decaheda:

alright kiddos gather round for another episode of waht in the heck in the fuck:

• it opens up with pike being dragt to Polis by some grounder dudes and kane’s behind him. polis really went to hell in a handbasket since lexa died, there’s blood everywhere, not a candle in sight, people being crucified, it just lacks the lexa #aesthetic
  
• pike is like “yeah this is pretty much what i expected” and kane just gives him that look like “u caused this u fucker i miss lexa” and i was like “same”
• all the skyidiots r there just chillin and pike is like “why teh fck” and jackson’s like “so nice of u to join us” all creepy like and then ontari comes down with allie and they try to force pike to take a chip and he’s like “hard pass” so they torture him a lil
• they try to get kane to take the chip and kane is like “hard pass” so they torture him but a lil less bc youknowwhy.jpg
• pike’s chillaxin in prison and by chillaxin i mean suffering while kane is chillaxin with abby
• abby’s like “marcus!!! omg!!! i’ms o glad u here!!!” and kane is like “omg abby” and abby tries to sex him and kane’s like “this is off.. u took the chip didn’t u” and abby’s like “no i’m just horny” and kane’s like “lit”
• dundundun AN ARK FLASHBACK
• cut to the ark w abby, jaha, pike, and kane. they’re all like “pike we need u to teach these kiddos how to not die” and pike is like “But they’re fucking morons” and they’re like “we know but listen” and he’s like “ok i’m listening” and they’re like “idk that’s all we had” and pike’s like “amazing i’ll do it when do i start” and they’re like “now” and they being the kiddos in and pike is like ah shoot i dont have a lesson plan yet but that’s ok i’ll just make some shit up
• pike: rule #1 for surviving?
• octavia: not dying
• pike: shit u right
• meanwhile in Real Time^TM
• joop blropamy clock and screamy are all on a mission to find luna because that plot is still happening
• i bet u forgot about it didnt u
• so did the writers until now
• they get to the shore and octavia is like “ah heck there’s nothing here” and clock is like “golly dang it!” and bellamy starts yelling and projectile vomitting about how women ruin everything
• octavia is like “i cant even look at u beachball” and blorny cries for ten years
• clarke is like “hey dont cry” and baloney is like “fuck you??” and clarke internally screams bc this bitch is about to snap
  
• belrpny’s like “im sick of bein mad” and clock is like “apology accepted” and bachgrk is like “it wasn’t an apology” and clarke internally screams some more but then hugs him bc she’s a Nice Guy
• meanwhile in Polis^TM
• just a hecka lot of torturing tbh nobody in prison will take the chip so they torture them a lot and also indra cut the fuck out of pike for killing her ppls and murphy was like hey don’t do that and indra was like “who the fck are u” and he was like “who are any of us really” and indra was like dam thas tru so she stopped
• meanwhile on the Ark Flashback^TM
• the delinquents r bein stoopit so pike beats the living shit out of all of them for not paying attention and they’re all like wtf???? and then the guards are like oh yeah ur being sent to the ground now. and they’re like “this is the worst day ever” but then march 3rd 2016 happened
• meanwhile at Whatever the fuck ^TM
• they find luna and she drugs them and takes them to some weird oil rig island and they’re like “ok this is weird but whatever” and clarke is like “hey can u take the chip? btw u knew lexa right?? wasn’t she hot” and luna was like “maybe, it depends if i’m her sister or not” and clarke’s like “damn thas tru. will u take the chip tho?” and luna deadass looked her in the eyes for 30 seconds before saying
• “no”
• the end