iswearfealtytolexa:

decaheda:

here’s what u missed on kidz bop game of thrones meets a low budget horror film:

• the fans asked, “wow, could this show get any worse?” jflop heard us and answered our prayers. “yes! yes it can!” and he tried out a horror genre for absolutely no reason
  
• miller is telling a horror story and his bf is like “can u not” and miller’s like “imma do it” and then he gets abducted bc he was being a lil shit
• the delinquents go back to arkadia and bellamy and clarke stood next to each other for .2 seconds so i’m sure the blarkes nutted and wrote 20K words of fanfic about it already
• raven was like “hey clarke u banged lexa, how do i activate her AI” and clarke was like “wow this is a great way to incorporate lexa into the storyline!” but then it turned out to be bullshit and they never mentioned her again
• meanwhile in Polis^TM emori makes a guest star appearance and she’s like “hey murphy u want some succ” and murphys like “hell yep” so they sneak off into the sacred room to bang bc it’s not like they’ll both be murdered if they get caught but idk that might be their kink
• the delinquents are all getting captured by some guy and there’s creepy horror music playing and it’s really boring and predictable
• the guy is emerson because why the fuck not, nothing else makes sense anymore anyways
• there’s a music box playing creepy music in the middle of the hallway for some reason?? anyways it has emerson’s son’s name on the bottom and it’s “aaron”, remember this, this will be important later (except not really)
• clarke is like “imma go towards the creepy music” and monty’s like “why are u stupid all of a sudden and clarke is like “jrot ruined my character development” and monty’s like “bitch me too the fuck!!”
• they go towards the creepy music and surprise emerson tries to abduct them but he only gets monty cuz it’s the most predictable plot in the world
• octavia cries for a hot second abt lincoln and then jasper’s like “wtf why u cryin u a girl” and octavia is like “oh yeah i 4got i gotta suck it up” and jasper’s like “damn right”
• murphy tells emori “yah ontari’s a crazy bitch she doesn’t even have the flame lmao” and emori’s like “lmao i totally won’t use this against u later” except she totally does
• bellamy and clarke go on a mission to save everyone and clarke is like “shit u know what i let emerson live this is my fault” and bellamy just looks at her in silent agreement
• what a Good Guy
• the blorg dream team goes to save raven and sinclair but ends up doing a terrible job and sinclair dies
• oh yeah did i mention sinclair is the only person raven has left that is even remotely her family
• yeah he gotta die
• raven must Suffer
• raven is real sad about it and rightfully so but she doesn’t mourn him bc she’s a girl she gotta suck it up
• bellamy and clarke r like “shit our bad” and emerson abducts raven so they go on a second rescue mission hoping this one will be better
• clarke is like “anyways im gonna go and let him kill me” and bellamy’s like “y” and clarke is like “cuz i wanna save ppl and also i’m ready to die” and bellamy’s like “but then how will i stick my dick up ur hoo ha” and clarke’s like “can i seriously die now”
• clarke goes to save em and bellamy follows behind with a gun and emerson’s like “wtf i know bellamy is w u this is the most predictable shit of my life” and bellamy’s like “i’m not here!!” and emerson’s like “i gonna kill ur sis” and beachball starts cryin and handcuffs himself to the wall and clarke is like “this is why i didnt want to bring u”
• everyone gets tortured for 5 minutes before clarke saves their dumbasses
• clarke is like “aaron wouldnt want u to kill them” or somethin and emerson’s like “DON’T SAY HIS NAME” and he gets upset it was just real dumb and clarke sticks lexa the friendly chip in his neck and lexa kills him
• clarke is like “thanks lex” and lexa’s like “np i’m killin ppl from beyond the grave like a BADASS” and clarke is like “im gonna put u up my vagoober later” and lexa is like “thank god”
• princess mechanic hug!!!!!
• they do a makeshift funeral for lincoln and that’s when “a hero’s funeral” gets played and octavia cries and then everyone’s like “y u cryin u a girl” and she’s like “u right” so they peace out
• meanwhile in Polis^TM
• ontari is doing heda stuff and jaha shows up out of nowhere and murphy’s like “oH FCK NOT THIS GUY!!” and jaha’s like “i know u aint the real commander emori told me” and murphy’s like “god dammit” and ontari’s like “time to die” and jaha’s like “if u kill murphy i wont tell u how to be commander” so murphy gets taken to prison again
• jaha gives ontari a city of light chip ???????
• this is the stupidest shit i’m about to tell u dont even fucking,,, i cant
• ALIE is the new commander
• i’m not even kidding
• the episode ends with her sitting on the throne with ontari and jaha by her side
• so glad they killed lexa for this
• the episode ends with lexa having a good ol’ time up clarke’s vagina
• the end

I live for this recaps ok?